Domestic Violence: A journey through the Men’s Behavioural Change program.

I have attended the MEND (Men Exploring New Directions) group at the Men and Family Centre in Lismore for 2 years and would like to outline my experience of men’s behavioural change. I feel deeply embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I have perpetrated violence and abuse toward the people that I love and care for.

When I started the MEND group, I was largely unaware of my behaviour and the devastating impact this has caused. More befitting that I was unconscious of my attitudes, values and beliefs towards women and existed on a staunch foundation of male privilege. A common and enduring theme in MEND group work is challenging these unhealthy and potentially dangerous beliefs, and addressing themes of healthy masculinity and equity.

I feel it is important to talk about my experience in men’s behavioural change. It has been a long, often painful and confronting though crucial and significant journey. My first year of MEND group was about education and a growing awareness around unhealthy masculinity and the impact of my behaviour when sitting in privilege and entitlement. To admit that I valued my power and privilege more than the safety of the people I love and care for was heartbreaking. I recognise now the importance of being fully accountable for my actions and the ongoing traumatic impact on my former partner and our children.

It has been my experience that unhealthy attitudes, beliefs and values are deeply entrenched in men’s lives. Without the work at MEND I would be largely unaware of my conduct and the destructive impact this has caused. It has taken time and dedication to arrive at a place where I have begun to associate with behavioural change and start to take ownership for my actions. This is a process of moving out of blame and denial and taking responsibility for the consequences of my past behaviour.

Although it has been an extremely challenging journey that will continue throughout my lifetime, I believe it to be critical – without the opportunity of participating in MEND and the expertise, direction and support of the facilitators I believe I would continue to perpetuate abuse and potential violence. The Man I want to be is someone who can be a functioning emotionally healthy person who treasures a commitment toward taking responsibility for being safe and respectful. I feel this is the contribution I can make toward making amends for the harm I have caused and to be part of a solution not the problem – Men Exploring New Directions participant, Men and Family Centre 2021

To access the program or resources from the Men and Family Centre Lismore, click here https://menandfamily.org.au/about-us/ or call (02) 6622 6116. Or the Mensline, click here https://mensline.org.au/ or call 1300 78 99 78.

A massive thanks to the Men & Family Centre for their article contribution.